Clothing is an inanimate object. It cannot possess a character quality such as “modesty.” ‘Modesty’ is a synonym for ‘humility,’ with specific emphasis on the discretion of catering to what is appropriate. Only humans can express the character quality modesty. Modesty can be expressed through clothing we wear, yes, but only as a secondary result of an inward position. Clothing cannot be ‘modest.’ Modesty is a character quality.

One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing clothing labeled as “modest” or “immodest” for any number of different and various sets of reasons.

Hear me out.

When I got married, this literally caused me a moral dilemma. A few months out from getting married I was thinking about how I was all of a sudden supposed to wear “immodest” clothing sometimes and this almost gave me a faith crisis! Literally!

“So you’re telling me that clothing I thought was a literal *sin* to wear my entire life long I’m supposed to just wear and rock now? Like, it’s OK to sin now??”

Yeah right. It was at this moment that I realized that I had been using the term “immodest clothing” incorrectly almost my entire life long. A more appropriate and helpful way to express this, I think, is to use the term “inappropriate.”

We can all think of certain items of clothing that we would consider to be inappropriate to wear at certain times in our lives. Instead of giving you specific examples, I will leave this to your interpretation and discretion. In fact, it is difficult to pin down or define what “inappropriate” clothing is and write it in the dictionary because different cultures and countries have extremely varying beliefs (and sometimes downright contradictory!) about what is scandalous and what is perfectly acceptable. I have been moving away from giving specifics. I don’t think that is helpful because this is a personal area of discretion that everyone needs to come to in their own journey with the character quality modesty. (Because modesty is a character quality.)

However, take that exact same outfit or piece of clothing and there will most likely always be a situation in which that very same outfit or piece of clothing is appropriate. Again, I am not going to give specifics.

I now try to always refer to clothing that I deem for myself as inappropriate for a certain time as “inappropriate” instead of “immodest.” That type of terminology belongs to discerning the heart, not to what type of outfit someone is wearing. Modesty is a character quality. I am also way less quick to label someone else as wearing “immodest” clothing. Firstly, I don’t know their heart, and secondly, as I have grown and had life experience, I have found out that a lot of what I used to immediately label as “immodest” can actually be, in a lot of cases, appropriate. (Did anyone else grow up in an extremely well-meaning culture that sexualized so many normal things that only creeps would consider sexual? Yeah.)

Personally, as I look toward the future and imagine a time when Lord willing I might have daughters of my own, and they ask me if they can wear this or that, I imagine I would rather guide them through a discussion of that with questions – “What do you think is appropriate?” instead of laying down black and white rules that leave no room for the journey of discretion and also easily promote shame of the body, even (and especially) when all of the rules are followed to a T. I want them to develop a modest heart, not feel that their body is bad and they need to hide it under a list of rules. Modesty is not a checklist. Modesty is a character quality.

And at the end of the day, truly, what really does matter is the heart. An immodest heart will shine more brightly in an “appropriate” outfit than glitter on a sunny day. We’ve all seen it. Someone who seems to be addicted to turning heads, even if in the “righteous” way of “Please notice how modest I am and how you should be dressing the way I do too so you can be righteous as well.” Their body may be covered but they project themselves onto everyone around them. They are full of themselves and it comes out. This can be very subtle! An attitude of self-righteousness makes everyone feel judged around them. Someone can be clothed from their collarbone to their ankles and be the most immodest person in the room.

So please, join me in being intentional and accurate with our vocabulary regarding this important topic.

There is no such thing as immodest clothing.

Continue the discussion down below! What are your thoughts? 🙂